jokes (i will get more soon)

Red Neck Jokes

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they
get drunk and ride with them.



Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled. "That sounds wonderful," said Jed. "Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us." "Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?" "Baaaaa..."


questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands
IRELAND
Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk?
This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?
FRANCE
Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that?
Arent the French just Germans who can make sauces?
ITALY
Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus?
I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-Os!
POLAND
Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?
GERMANY
Is this bratwurst kosher?
TURKEY
Wheres the hash at?
Its cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?
KOREA
Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?
CHINA
This wall isnt so great.
ENGLAND
Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?
SWEDEN
Do you have any normal meatballs?
Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?
YEMEN
Yemen? Thats a stupid name for a country. Whats it mean -- Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?
INDIA
You dont live in teepees?
Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?
ETHIOPIA
After a long day of travel, Im famished. Hey those flies sure love your pregnant son!
CANADA
Youre like Americans without money.
SPAIN
So, this is the country thats not Portugal? Wow.
Your women can shave if they want to, right?
Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?
SOUTH AFRICA
I liked it better the other way.
MEXICO
What's that smell?
SAUDI ARABIA
Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car?
Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?
RUSSIA
Is it always this cold and economically devastated?
UZBEKISTAN
Can you spell Uzbekistan?
GREECE
I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."
AFGHANISTAN
Seriously, where is the real country where is everything?
JAPAN
Whats Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?
AUSTRALIA
How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?
AMERICA
Was John Wayne gay?


Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history and logic.
"What's logic?" asked Bubba.
The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed-whacker?"
"I sure do," answered the redneck.
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe.
The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."
Impressed, the redneck shouted, "AMAZING!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"Betty Mae! This is incredible!"
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why, that's the most fascinating thing I ever heard of! I can't wait to take this here logic class."
Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Cooter waswaiting.
"So, what classes are ya takin?" he asks.
"Math, history and logic," replies Bubba.
Cooter asks, "What isis logic?"
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"
"No."
"You're a queer, ain't ya?"


what rednecks call sex?
'Hey sis, you awake?'


here once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get ome spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck --" and the farmer shot him.

Blonde jokes


Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater?
A: A blonde trying to set fire to it.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, ''Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.''


What do blondes and shrimps have in common?
Their heads are full of shit, but the pink bits are nice.

A blonde was walking down the street with shower caps on her breasts.
A guy asked her, "Hey, what's with the shower caps?"
"Shower caps?" she responded, "These are booby condoms!"


Q: What do a blonde and a taxi have in common?
A: Everyone's been in and out for $2.00.

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?
A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''